Acceptance.

As I reflect on the years behind me and the years ahead of me I look forward with anticipation. The events that have occurred within the past have shaped the person that I am today. From my perspective the event that changed me in adulthood was finally coming to terms with my brother’s death.  

My big brother Jovani Tovar  left a bar on December 9th 2001. He was 22, a Santa Barbara City College student, a rugby player, an aspiring chef. He saw a man punch a woman in the nose, my brother stepped in to help her. My brother didn't know the man had a gun. The man shot him twice in the chest. My brother Jovani Tovar died. My brother and I were extremely close we were the rice and beans of the family we went hand in hand. The sudden death of him really changed my perspective of life. I was thirteen when he was murdered. My teen years were extremely difficult I partied a lot, and didn't grieve for my brother correctly. Therefore when I use to drink my emotions would spiral out of control. It wasn't until the tenth anniversary memorial party for my brother that everything finally clicked.

I finally realized that my brother would not want me to carry around this emotion with me and cry for him constantly but rather to live for him because he lives on through all the lives he touched while he was alive.  This realization happened after I had relocated from California to Texas to better myself.  I moved away from California not running away but merely closing the chapter behind to start a new one. People who have not experience a loss so close to home find it difficult to understand how one can dwell on the death of a loved one for so long.  Ten years is a long time to carry a huge weight on my heart, it was exhausting, and troublesome. Time does not heal anything it just makes one realize what they are truly missing. The fact that I have come to terms with my brother’s death has made me a better person. Sometimes when people die so suddenly it really gives one a reality check that life is so precious and we should not take advantage of the life we have. Of course I have days where I hear a song or smell a smell, or reminisce of our memories that cause me to tear up but it is healthy grievance. I have accepted the fact that I was lucky enough to have my brother apart of my life for thirteen years. His death has left a heartache that no one will be able to heal. But his death also allowed for us to appreciate the true meaning of life.  I no longer have the need to always question why? And dwell on his death. I no longer dwell on his death but celebrate his life instead. 

  All in all, I am grateful for all the experiences that have occurred in my life. I know without them I would not be who I am today. For all my experience good and bad have shaped me for the better. I do in fact miss my brother more than words could ever express but I know by my determination to succeed I will make him proud by living my life to the fullest.

His resting place.

last time I saw my brother. 

City Dark 4th Blog Assignment....

The purpose of my research paper is to provide solutions on how to limit light pollution and the reason why it should be done. I plan to show the importance of how severe lighting creates problems for the world we live in today. I also plan to explain why it is beneficial for everyone to make a difference and help in preventing light pollution. Within my research paper I plan to use The City Dark movie as a source by quoting different passages within the film that is relevant to my topic at hand. I have found several online journals through Google Scholar, and Academic search engine. I plan to use them throughout my paper by letting the sources validate the information that I am presenting. I will show the effects of light pollution, list contributing factors, and show the importance of limiting light pollution.

The City Dark.....3rd Blog Assignment

The night sky is disappearing slowly but surely. We live in a world surround by bright lights and the pace of life is so fast we often forget to appreciate what lies above us at night and the fact that it is disappearing.  Ann Druyan says” Go back the last million years, how much of that time we been inside, in air-conditioned, heated, hermetically, sealed boxes little boxes?” (qtd. In City Dark).  This quote explains the mere fact that our society has lost contact with outside surroundings and has completely forgotten to live a little and indulge in activities that do not accompany technology. The night sky is something that everyone has enjoyed at their life at one point or another it’s a beauty that captures the eyes and it has a different meaning to all that care to gaze above and wonder.

How I miss the stars...

     Our family has a vacation home in Murphy's California. I always enjoy going to this place because it is so serene, beautiful, and magical. The night sky is a beautiful image. The clearest I've ever seen it was one summer night last year. The sky was so crystal clear. I was able to see the stars without any problems. I even saw a shooting star. Sitting outside in the fresh air, looking up at the stars bright as can be was so peaceful.  I think being able to look up to the sky and see the stars is an indescribable feeling. I downloaded the application star rover on my phone and was able to learn what exactly I was staring at. There's something about the presence of the stars that just makes me feel appreciative. The stars have the ability to let me ponder and gather my thoughts. There is no greater feeling then lying under the stars and being incomplete harmony with what is around me.  It makes me appreciate what is up in the sky because when I truly take it for grant the fact that the presence of stars makes all the difference. Here in Baytown, depending on the night I will be lucky enough to see